my dog was supposed to be a police dog but he failed the training for it because he was too much of a wimp. the trainers said that when he was supposed to be attacking dummies he’d run up to them and roll over and wag his tail and they also said he was the worst failure they’d ever seen
this isn’t even a problem
i love owls this is awesome
it’s getting to that point in the school year where even copying someone’s homework is too much to handle
swag won’t pay the bills but apparently neither will your degree
Credit: lou brutus
We’ve officially reached that annoying time of year where it’s sweater weather in the morning, but by midday you die from a heatstroke.
"boy i’m in a great mood!"
"oh, please. you can’t REALLY be in a great mood. there are people out there who just got raises. people just got married. people are being reunited with their families right now. how dare you say you’re happy."
The equivalent of someone saying you can’t be sad because other people have it worse than you.
im coming friend
im here i love u
- Me wearing my Pizza John shirt at subway:
- Sandwich Artist: Who's that guy?
- Me: Um... John Green.
- Sandwich Artist: I've heard that name before. Is he like running for president?
- Me: No.. He wrote some books. You've probably heard of The Fault In Our Stars.
- Sandwich Artist: oh yeah. That thing . Well he should run for president. I'd vote for him, since I take it from your shirt he's a pizza fan. I'm pro pizza.